Sweet Surrender

 

As a parent, you want nothing more in life than to do what is right for your children.  From the very minute you find out you are pregnant, to the minute you think you may very well leave this world.  I have had the pleasure of enduring three biopsies.  And each time I waited for the lab results and thought of all the what if’s and stared my mortality in the face,  the greatest thing I feared about an early death was leaving my girls motherless and unprepared for the rest of their lives.  Who would get them through their first teenage heartbreak?  Who would call them in the morning to make sure they were okay after their first college party?  Who would hold their hand and calm their nerves before their board exams?  

This passed week, we allowed Ema to follow a dream of hers.  I won’t go in to too much detail here because frankly, I don’t want to give the issue much fanfare.  After having gone through the process, it does not deserve that.  But the point is, it was a difficult decision to make.  Not only was it time away from work for us, but time away from school work for her.  And a big possibility of disappointment.  For several nights, Otis and I sat and thought, “Are we really sending her out there with the big possibility of failure in her horizon?  At such a young age?  And would this be considered indulging her?  Are we being good parents or bad ones?”  We honestly could not decide.  

You delude yourself into thinking that as they get older, the child rearing gets easier.  But it does not.  It was much easier trying to stop them from falling off the bed.  So to say I was anxious on my trip with Ema is an understatement.  I was well aware that at any moment, her heart could get ripped out of her chest and I wanted so desperately to protect her from that.  But it was her wish that I stand back and watch in complete silence.  

So I did what I knew best to do in our most dire situations.  Whenever we have a personal crisis in our family, (sometimes unknowingly) we allow ourselves a few hours (if not an entire day) to just wander the city in search of the best dessert places, museums, beaches, or malls we haven’t been to in awhile.  Basically, we hop in the car, turn up the tunes and abandon the world for a few hours.  

This time around, Ema and I sat and enjoyed our favorite cupcake, visited a museum I went to as a child, went clothes shopping for her and her sisters, and capped the day off with some burgers.  The down time prepared us for craziness ahead.  

We are back home and life is almost back to normal.  Ema’s heart broke a little but I don’t think it shattered into a billion pieces like I envisioned it might.  We raised her well and strong enough so she came out stronger and more determined than ever.

When I look back upon the trip and I think about this post, I realize…sometimes parenting isn’t always about what’s right or what’s wrong.  It’s not always about what’s good for the kids or what’s bad for them either.  Ema is my first born child.  She was still a baby when I became pregnant with Celeste so I had so little time with just her alone.  She has always had to share her time with her two siblings.  So I realized…sometimes parenting is so simple.  So in your face simple.  

Sometimes, it’s just about loving them.  It’s as simple as loving your child and sharing that cupcake with them.  

Sprinkles Cupcake

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